Wilson Rogers

Petro Pete Quotes


Last Updated 042615

"The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary."
"I've learned so much from my mistakes, I'm thinking of making a few more."
"They say that hard work never killed anyone...but then, neither did hanging around the house and napping all day"
"I come from a long line of successful people. I decided to stop that tradition.."
"When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them."
"Apparently, my daily diet is known in athletic circles as "carb loading".."
"I can't figure out if life is passing me by or trying to run me over."
“I never know whether to screw up my taxes myself or hire a professional to do it."
"The laziest people always know what you should do."
"I used to wonder what it was like to read peoples' minds. I got a Facebook account and I got over it."
"Don't play dumb with me.  That's a game you can't win."
"It bothers me when I see tax money wasted on signs telling deer where to cross the road."
"One day you're the best thing since sliced bread.  The next day you're toast."
"For years I thought hitchhikers were complimenting my driving."
"You can test my patience all you want, but I'm never going to pass."
"I don't flirt with disaster.  It's more of a long-term relationship."
"How do they even grow a boneless chicken?”
"My Retirement Plan hinges on having at least one successful kid."
"Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry? They're afraid of flying off the handle."
"If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong."
"Every single day I question my sanity, and every single day it has an alibi."
"Your mind needs exercise just as much as your body does. That's why I think of jogging every day."
"If you don't step forward you are always in the same place."
"When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water."
"Happiness is an inside job.  Don't assign anyone else that much power over your life.”
"God gave us mouths that close and ears that don't. That must tell us something."
 "I wish conversations were like user agreements where I could skip to the end and just agree."
"I broke up with my gym.  We were just not working out."
“Isn’t it great living in the 21st century where deleting history has become more important than making it.”
"Are you getting a puppy soon?  Name it what you want but, remember, this will be the answer to security questions for the rest of your life."
"Why do people with closed minds open their mouths?"
"It's nice to live in a small town, because if you don't know what you're doing, someone else does."
"We put in our two cents, but only get a penny for our thoughts. Who gets the extra penny?"
"There is no excuse for laziness...but if you find one, let me know."
“What disease did “cured ham” have?”
“If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?”
"OK, so what's the speed of dark?"
"Is there another word for synonym?"
"Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery."
"The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise."
"Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac."
"How do they get deer to cross at that yellow road sign?"
"My son has taken up meditation.  At least it is better than sitting doing nothing!"
"What was the best thing before sliced bread?"
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?"
"One nice thing about egotists:  They don't talk about other people."
"If you had to specify, in one word, why the human race has not, and will never achieve it's full potential, that word would be 'meetings'!"
"Went to school to become a wit.  Only got halfway through!"
"Where do polar bears vote? What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
And what do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time?”
(Answers: The North Poll, Claustrophobic, Sandy Claws)
"The first rule of holes:  If you are in one, stop digging."
 "You have the right to remain silent.  Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you."
"Doing nothing is very hard to do.  You never know when you're finished."
"If all is not lost, where is it?"
"Confucius Say: Man who run behind car get exhausted."
"If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door."
"If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts. - Albert Einstein"
"Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter...people, the opposite."
"Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population."
"Did you hear about the man who dreamt he was a muffler on a car and then part of a wheel?  He woke up exhausted and tired."
"The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first."

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